Two Months of Humbling Parenthood

On January 9, Skylar turned two months old. I laid her down on the faux sheepskin rug in the nursery (that room we’ve yet to use for sleepy time..) to snap that perfect monthly photo. As soon as she parted ways from my chest, her face crinkled up into that devastatingly-cute cry face. The pouty lip slays me and Matt. We try really hard not to laugh at her sweet distress, but it’s such a masterpiece of a face. Maybe she’ll be an ugly crier in time, but right now she’s downright irresistible when that pouty lip springs forth.

Don’t worry…I wasn’t spanking. Just letting her relieve some gas in a comfortable position.

So…the photo shoot was a mega fail. I should probably post those photos just to show a more realistic photo of what my child is like. 🙂 But nay, I deleted them on the spot. I did eventually catch a radiant smile later in the day. But gosh darn it, there’s no forcing my sassy gal to smile. She’ll do it when she well pleases. Definitely not on cue for a photo shoot.

Every day with this child is an education. A truly humbling education. I read at least five parenting books — various ways to structure the day, soothe your child, stimulate them — and I won’t say they were a waste of time, but reading so many just confused me. Now I have a guilt complex about scheduling or on-demand feedings! I can’t win!

There are so many conflicting views out there. I told my mom I didn’t know how parenting worked before Google, but now I sometimes wish I couldn’t Google everything. Every kid is different. Everyone has an opinion of what’s best. My sister-in-law said she finally felt like a confident mother when she stopped taking advice. Instincts are a powerful thing. I’m far from figuring out Skylar’s language, but I learn something new from her every day.

I hired a lactation consultant when Skylar was six weeks old. Sibylle (the LC) came to the house and watched me nurse. I thought calling an LC was unnecessary, but I’d do it just to get affirmation that all was well.

I did have an inkling that something was up after reading about the magical “milk drunk” state that Skylar never seemed to experience. Moments of wakeful calmness were nonexistent in her first weeks. She was on a fuss-eat-fuss cycle. We would do whatever we could to lull her to sleep and get some peace. Sibylle checked her mouth after I’d nursed Skylar on one side and said, “Wow, your girl is really tongue-tied.” I couldn’t believe I’d never noticed how pinned the tip of her tongue was to the floor of her mouth. I also couldn’t believe no doctors at the hospital or at our pediatric follow-ups had checked for it.

On December 22, Skylar got a laser frenectomy– a procedure that freed up her tongue. The dentist who did the procedure said her tongue tie, the most severe type, would have led to speech and dental issues. And, had we not discovered it soon, I’m sure my milk supply would have dried up. The tongue is what helps stimulate production and Skylar’s tongue was, quite literally, tied down. She was basically nursing with her lips and her gums. Yeah, ouch.

We are on week four of oral stretches to be sure her mouth doesn’t heal up. Our mouths heal up rapidly, and we definitely didn’t want Skylar’s tongue to heal pinned down again. So these stretches are horrible. We wipe our fingers under her tongue and lift to be sure her frenulum (webbing under the tongue) isn’t reattaching. As you can imagine, Skylar loathes these stretches. We’re tapering off now, but we initially couldn’t let six hours pass between stretches. Yeah, so that 3 a.m. stretch kind of sucked! So much for sleeping through night nursing sessions! She was roused to shrieks. But thank heavens, that phase is over. Now she’s learning how to use her freed up tongue. She’s still in the habit of chomping, rather than sucking, so the nursing game is a challenge. I’m constantly paranoid that she’s not getting enough, but I hear that’s a common mama syndrome. I am reassured when she takes a meal break to smile or sports a milk drunk face for a few minutes post-feeding.

But being content and calm just isn’t my girl’s thing. She much prefers to move every limb at once and have constant stimulation. She despises napping and will fight her heavy eyelids all day if we let her. One place she can’t resist sleep is on our chests. She loves being worn or held. It’s tough to kick her off my chest and put her in the bassinet after some feedings, but I also don’t want her to only know how to sleep when nested on another human!

So, perhaps I’m making my child sound like a demon….she’s not a demon. But she is a beautiful handful. Oh expectation versus reality.

I thought newborns slept all the time. Not mine!

I thought my child would be sleeping 8+ hours/night by now…if I had followed the feed-wake-sleep schedule I planned to. After discovering baby girl was starving, I started feeding her whenever she wanted and threw schedules to the wind. Her record is a 5-hour chunk of sleep at night. I’m perfectly pleased with two 4-hour naps though.

I thought my baby wouldn’t change my life so dramatically. I was going to be the mom who hit the gym right away, got abs back instantly and needed the best jogging stroller because I’d be running with little miss by week two. Hah! What a joke! I’m actually mad at my pre-baby self for thinking motherhood was so easy. I’m sorry, mothers of the world, for assuming I could master life’s most demanding gig in two weeks.

I thought I’d be a minimalist. No TV screens, no mobiles, no swing. Oh, you should see the nursery now! After fighting the urge to buy a swing — the ultimate sleep crutch — for 8 weeks, I bit the bullet and it tastes so good! Skylar is sound asleep in the swaying beauty right now.

Who knows. Maybe I’ll have her on a more structured schedule in a few months, but right now, I’m doing whatever it takes! I have swallowed my pride and accepted that I was ill-prepared, as most (if not all) first time parents are. Matt and I have the added disadvantage of being the youngest children in our respective families. I never had to take care of anyone growing up! Pretty sure I couldn’t even meet the needs of my American Girl doll. Poor Kirsten.

Thankfully, I have a mom who loved and nurtured her children so well. Thank the Lord for her example. That’s really my motherhood manual. Unfortunately, I don’t remember the first few years of my life, so I’ll have to follow my instincts and her advice until my memory starts serving me…

I think calling that lactation consultant was the first time I followed my instincts and it reassured me that I’m not totally free-falling through this. As a super mom to four children under the age of 5 (Susana Starbuck!!!) says, “God gives you the grace you need.” Susana has a boatload more grace than I do! But God has given me the grace I need to love and nurture my active girl. And He’s a solid source, so I’ll trust that supply….and pray that He can help me trust my milk supply. 🙂