Not enough

 

Do you ever wonder if you’re doing enough?  Enough for whom you ask?  Enough for God who is said to have created you for a purpose.  It’s been a question I’ve asked myself my entire life. Sometimes it’s driven me to do too much.  Matt and I listened to a sermon this morning by our pastor who spoke on sincerity.  I feel I’ve been on a quest for sincerity my entire life.  The most hurt I’ve been is when someone called me out on being phony.  My morality has been defined by my sincerity. I do not mean that I strive to be blunt to the point of being a jerk.  But I never want to claim to believe something that I do not wholeheartedly believe.  This has made me a passive person in many regards.  I will admit to being incredibly indecisive.  And many times it is because I do not want to write or say something people will view as insincere.  I strive for sincerity in my love, my anger, my sadness, my confusion, my life.  Our pastor spoke about sincerity in relation to religion.  So, so, so many people are turned off by your stereotypical Christian’s way of living.  Some people believe they’re “saved” and march through life unaffected.  Then there’s a significant amount of people practicing their faith through the routine rituals and obeying the correct laws, but neglecting the acknowledgment of a sovereign God.  I’ve had people say, “Annie, I always forget how religious you are.”  I think that’s probably the biggest call-out any Christian can receive.  I avoid pushing my beliefs on other people, because I do not want to appear shaky in any respect.  But hey, I’m shaky.  It is the hypocrites of faith that keep others from being interested in faith.  I do not blame them.  I’m a sincerity-seeker myself. Matt and I are speaking at our church the Sunday following Easter and I want everything I say to be heartfelt and sincere.  I will not claim to be a rock, an incredibly theological person, or anything more than an amateur.  I do believe in the message of Christ, and I know I sin routinely and cannot stop.  I cannot live a life good enough to get me into heaven.  I need an intervention.  Growing up in the church, the word “savior” has become hackneyed term for me.  Someone who intervenes sounds more translatable.  I have tried to always be sincere, kind, loving, but as hard as I try…I can’t consistently be good.  My motives are not always noble.  My words are not always kind.  My person is not always joyful.  I don’t claim to know much, but I strive to know more and be sincere whenever I share my beliefs.  Cheers to being bold, heartfelt and humble enough to acknowledge your shortcomings.