Uncategorized

Power of Hugs, High Fives and Butt Pats

By on Saturday, August 16, 2014

Latest from a Berkeley sensory lab: NBA basketball teams whose players touch each other more win more games. My San Antonio Spurs did seem to give each other record-breaking amounts of encouraging butt pats last season. The secret to winning? Surely not. But we do all hold some magic in our hands.


Last night I watched the season 3 finale of Call the Midwife. I will not spoil it, but one of my favorite midwifes (the tall, awkward one they call Chummy) is grappling with how to treat her dying mother. Chummy has never felt loved by her mum, but she persistently tries to gain her approval. She remains kind and patient, enduring snide remark after cruel criticism from her mama. When her mom asks her, while on her deathbed, for a manicure Chummy refuses. “I can’t touch her,” she explains to a sister in the convent. Chummy had been deprived of a mom’s warm touch for so long that she did not want to touch the cold hands of her source of insecurity. Eventually Chummy’s succumbs and give her mom the manicure. In turn her mom strokes Chummy’s cheek and their relationship begins to heal. The miraculous benefits of human touch…

Chummy with her insensitive mum


The first article I read on human touch was from a 1988 edition of the New York Times. I know old, but not as old as me, so still relevant. The Experience of Touch explores various studies showing the effects of touch on mammals. I was moved by the excerpt below:

In some of the most dramatic new findings, premature infants who were massaged for 15 minutes three times a day gained weight 47 percent faster than others who were left alone in their incubators – the usual practice in the past. The massaged infants also showed signs that the nervous system was maturing more rapidly: they became more active than the other babies and more responsive to such things as a face or a rattle.
”The massaged infants did not eat more than the others,” said Tiffany Field, a psychologist at the University of Miami Medical School, who did the study. ”Their weight gain seems due to the effect of contact on their metabolism.”


Love how a tiny human naturally takes hold.
Metabolisms of babies deprived of touch slow down as a survival mechanism. Eventually this can stunt the baby’s growth. Apparently Matt and I were given overwhelming amounts of kisses and cuddles as babies, because we never stopped growing. 

I often think about human touch because I am one of those humans who often touches. Sometimes I see the discomfort in the other person when I put a hand on their arm while telling a story. I do not secretly find joy in making people tense up. My mom’s side of the family seemed to share love through their interested eyes and reassuring smiles. My dad’s side of the family will hold your hand for the entire duration of an extensive conversation. I love the blend of both approaches. I am so  blessed to have been loved unconditionally during all 27 years of my life. There were times I felt smothered by my parents’ attention and affections. During my rebellious, embarrassed teenage years, of course. Now there are days I long to snuggle and make fun of J. Jill catalogs with my mama (their models were always in the dumbest poses) or get a spontaneous, strong hug from my pops. 

It’s fascinating to me how everyone reacts differently to touch. Some are unfazed and expect it (me), others are not okay with you in their space. Another article I ran across came from Berkeley (they apparently love studying touch out there). The standout point in this one was the power to communicate emotion through touch.  Below was their experiment:

We built a barrier in our lab that separated two strangers from each other. One person stuck his or her arm through the barrier and waited. The other person was given a list of emotions, and he or she had to try to convey each emotion through a one-second touch to the stranger’s forearm. The person whose arm was being touched had to guess the emotion.

Given the number of emotions being considered, the odds of guessing the right emotion by chance were about eight percent. But remarkably, participants guessed compassion correctly nearly 60 percent of the time. Gratitude, anger, love, fear—they got those right more than 50 percent of the time as well.


I do not believe I touch people to literally hold their attention. I do it as a supplement to my words. As another form of communication. The emotion I think is most important is….I know, I’m supposed to say love, but I am kind of finding a loophole by saying compassion. How can you show compassion without first feeling love for that person? I think those are wrapped into a warm and fuzzy ball of understanding, sympathetic, proactive love.

compassion: a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering.

My mom may be the number one compassioner (yes, it’s a noun now) in the world. She feels for people. Often times I think she feels more pain than those she is showing compassion. Her aptitude for caring, nurturing, and empathizing is limitless. I always knew my mom’s comforting, gentle back rubs were wiping away some of my pain. 

Easton, the fortunate recipient of Mimi’s rubs

The sit-snuggle. My parents go-to.

The above article also associates touch with safety. Last weekend at Disneyland I boarded the Indiana Jones ride with three of my favorite girlfriends. We were in the second row of Indiana’s Jeep. In the front seat sat two mamas with their two toddlers in between them. After a couple stomach drops and two minutes of stimulation only Disney could think up, we jolted to a halt. The two babies were hysterical. Their mamas shielded them from the world and held them close. Good luck trying to rid them of nightmares of that giant cobra coming at their faces and the cement ball almost crushing us all. But in all seriousness, there is nothing that could comfort that child more after that trauma than a good, firm hug. 

Hugs. Aren’t they the best? Matt and I sure think so. There have been a few times when my cheerful husband gets home with melancholy eyes and the regular dimples missing from his cheeks. “I need a hug,” he’ll say. We hug and things get better. It’s medicinal, no doubt. One second of touch is entirely different from a long embrace. Almost anything can be communicated in a hug. Not sure if I’ve ever given an angry hug, but maybe. Definitely reluctantly given a hug after being angry, so yes. I suppose it can be done. 

Best hugger

I love that we were masterfully designed by God to love and be loved. That we have anatomical responses to another human’s touch. That we can communicate through touch when words do not suffice. I will try to be sparing with my back pats and arms grabs if you cringe upon contact. Just know that you’re stunting your growth by refusing my touch. Kidding. Simply a disclaimer that my touch is never meant to make you feel uneasy. It’s meant to make you feel loved, because you are. 

0
Related Posts

Comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *