tolerant ˈtäl(ə)rənt/ (adjective) Showing willingness to allow the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.
Tolerance is a word I hear preached nearly everyday. Civilization would not exist without tolerance. We tolerate people we find annoying, offensive, argumentative, lazy, disturbed, the list goes on.
At what point does tolerance become apathy? In many situations, it is easier to be tolerant than to take a stand.
Like what situations?
What if you have a friend who is into hard drugs. Or seemingly floundering for purpose and finding curious new ways of expressing themselves.
Friends who proudly display their new bodies, which have been transformed by an eating disorder, for praise on social media.
Oh, she walks to the beat of her own drum, we may say. Or he has his own style. She must be working out a lot.
My soul hurts as I read comments beneath the emaciated body.
“You look great!”
“Wow, skinny minnie!”
The post itself seems like a cry for help and attention. Sometimes it leads to attention, but not help.
How do we help? How do we not tolerate what they’re doing to themselves, but express our intolerance in a loving way? Do we have any right to tell someone else how they should be living? What would you want?
I’m not one to ask for help, but I would think if I came to a point where I was inflicting pain on myself and struggling in every way to gain approval, I would hope someone would see the hole in my heart. There’s a deep emptiness that shallow comments cannot fill. There are stages in life where people need to be washed of the ugliness which has taken hold.
Well, after absorbing some wise words on love from our podcast pastor Timothy Keller, I’ve been thinking a lot on the differences between tolerance and love.
“Oh, he is the most patient, caring, tolerant, loving person,” we may hear…but when does tolerance lose the love?
Keller describes love in two ways:
1. Hungry love. The kind of love where we fall upon a perfect fruit tree in the woods and are ravenously hungry. We would disparage the tree as we madly pluck off as much of the succulent fruit as we can. We tear the tree to bits to fill the hole in our stomach.
2. Admiring love. The kind of love where we fall across the perfect fruit tree in the woods, but are completely satisfied as it comes into view. We need nothing from the tree, so we sit back and admire its beauty. How perfect its branches and fruit are. Then we catch glimpse of a rotten fruit hanging from a healthy branch. Something inside us wants to pluck it, so it’s not contaminating the perfection of the thriving fruit tree.
Keller shared words by a female author (who’s name is eluding me) on reasonable anger. The quote he shared was about a father’s love for his son, who was a drunk. The father did not simply tolerate his son’s wasteful habit, rather he was made angry by it. The anger is not necessarily the important part, but the motive behind the anger is.
If the dad saw his son being a neglectful parent, embarrassing his family, acting belligerently and did nothing, what would we say?
He’s not being a good father. A good father should call his son out and help him get his life back in order. A good father would not sit back and tolerate his son’s wasteful ways.
Admiring love is the type of love Jesus has. He needs nothing. He only wants to see his creation perfected. This is the love a father has for his drunkard son. He needs nothing from his son. He simply wants his son to live out life to his fullest potential.
We, as a country, tolerate poorness. We see homeless people every week. We pay them a passing glance, perhaps a granola bar or some change, but we quickly wash them from our conscience. But if that homeless person were a close friend, we would respond differently.
That’s an extreme analogy. There are not many people preaching that society needs to learn to tolerate homelessness. Of course not. Most often, homelessness is not a choice. But tolerating the state of this huge population is not how Christ would have shown his love.
In the scripture below, Jesus chooses the filthiest part of his disciples to clean. In those days, Jewish servants were not even permitted to wash the feet of their Jewish masters. It was considered the lowliest job. I can imagine awkward it must have felt, to have the man you believed to be God kneel down and wash your wounded feet.
We are pressed to help even the Judases out there, who may have evil schemes against us.
I hope to not let awkwardness or potential misunderstanding become an obstacle when striving to love in an admiring way. Yes, we often love our friends and families in a hungry way. They can fill us up when we’re feeling empty.
We are called to look at everyone as what they can be. To admire the potential within them and help them pluck away any rotten fruit. Not to say “look what I’ve done for you,” but “look what God has in store for you.”
In this way, I hope we will not simply tolerate the situations of those struggling. I hope we show the opposite of indifference and kneel down to wash their feet, even at the risk of feeling foolish.
John 13: 1-17
13 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
2 The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. 3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet,6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
7 Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
8 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”9 “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”
10 Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
13 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.
2 The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. 3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet,6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
7 Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
8 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”9 “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”
10 Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was going to betray him, and that was why he said not every one was clean.12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.
