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| This has nothing to do with the content…but it is the pretty place I get to coach ayerday! |
I’m continually walking a line between insecurity and confidence. Every time I fall across a great book or article in the newspaper, or scroll through an inspiring read online, my mind goes to one of two places. 1. They have it all figured out– how did they get to where they are? There’s not a chance I’ll ever have a circle of influence like theirs. 2. They are not that different from me. They are not geniuses, but struck by strokes of genius, which we’re all blessed with at some points in life. There’s nothing keeping me from doing something as amazing as what they’ve done…I just need to keep learning.
I’m re-reading John Maxwell’s “21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership” and have been the most re-energized by the Law of Process. As soon as you stop craving knowledge in a field, progress will halt. I felt convicted because I don’t feel like I’m chipping away at my own character with the same aggression I did as an athlete.
Several factors play into this. Top 3:
1. My goals are not numerically defined anymore. Swimming goals are typically very precise.
2. I’ve scored an awesome life. I love my husband, our pups, our house, and am happy in my jobs.
3. No one is counting on me (wait, are they?)
BEING DEFINITIVE
In swimming and school I had goals defined by digits/grades. It was easy to know what to shoot for, or even loosely set (yet still pretty precise) goals in a specific numeric range. Life is not as clear cut…at least not in my two current jobs.
Writing can be criticized or complimented, but no one is giving me a grade. If I were a published author, I’d receive some criticism and I suppose some authors set goals to get overall four-star reviews. But I doubt that’s their objective. They want to add value to readers’ minds with the information they provide, entertain, or simply document things they’ve learned lest they forget! I’m sure each book has its own goal. I know there’s a goal embedded in articles I write– if it’s a feature on an athlete, I want to portray them accurately and tell a relatable story readers could learn a few lessons from. I also really want the featured person to like what I write. Seldom do I receive any feedback, but when I do, be it positive or negative, I treasure it. That’s what can be a measure of my writing, something I’m desperately in search of– a way to gauge progress. If writers have advice on setting definitive goals, I’d welcome it!
CONTENTMENT
Just as it can be difficult to feel as if you need God when life is going your way, it’s equally difficult to continue a strong upward trajectory. I’m in a comfortable situation with Matt. We love spending time with each other, he’s swimming well, our families are thriving, we feel healthy, there are many days when I take pause to appreciate how beautiful this life has been to us.
But like all living things, there is a time to grow, to bloom, and then to wilt before re-seeding. We’re enjoying the blooming stage, and many times I do not feel as incentivized as I should to keep the soil fertilized and ready for future growth. Is this metaphor going on for too long? haha. The truth is, we should always be searching for new ways to do things better: write, coach, eat, read, pray, support, love, lead to name a few areas I’d like to improve upon. I found it alarming (while reading this Maxwell book) that I’ve allowed myself to not push some of my passions further. Some days are more driven than others, but I think if we’re not sharpening these gifts of ours, we’re inadvertently doing a disservice to the world. We could be better.
Recently a prominent coach in the swimming world told me he always thought I was one of those swimmers who should have been a 1:04 LC 100 breaststroker– “with your height and your strength…” he continued. At first it seemed flattering, but the fastest I ever swam was a 1:07. So this coach thought I should have been three seconds faster? I scratched my chin (but not really) thinking of things I might have done differently. Did I not do my best to hone my swimming gift? Did I lazily not pay attention to some part I should have? It disturbed me to think that way…
I had the same feelings as I re-read a chapter of the book on the Law of Addition. We all have value, and if we believe that, we can add value to the lives of others. Matt and I very much enjoy one another’s company, but there are times we could add value to situations outside of our comfort zone and we do not. Something to work on in 2016.
RESPONSIBILITY
One of the driving forces behind my picking up this leadership book in January 2010 was the shock I had at not being able to successfully lead my swim team. My instincts were not correct when it came to vocal leadership. “The person makes the position” is a Maxwell quote which resonates. I was a captain, and the position was making me less fun, more anxious, flat insecure. The designation did not make me good at it. I had to really work at it. After several moments of embarrassment, seeing distrust in my teammates’ eyes, I began some soul searching. This book helped me realize that I was not putting relationships first– “You must touch a heart before you ask for a hand.” Seemingly common sense, but not when I was in the eye of the storm.
Since I don’t have a team intensely looking to me for performance leadership, and I don’t have a husband banking on me to be the breadwinner, I’m in peril of thinking my self improvements don’t contribute that much, but then I think about what I do now…
I’m counted on to edit for 20 college interns and write stories for Swimming World. I’m counted on to give solid stroke advice and productive training to swimmers. These two leadership positions should naturally push me toward expanding my knowledge of content/grammar/online writing skills and my general knowledge on training, mechanics, and leadership around the pool. I have not gone about sharpening these areas of my life with the same tenacity I did in my training days. Writing is more humble ground for me than coaching. I have far more years of experience around a pool than I do with crafting words. And I have had more success in that arena as well. That places me in danger of being OK with my current thoughts on swimming rather than further growing my skill set.
I started by writing about the line between confidence and insecurity. I think the stagnation of the mind will make anyone insecure. Flooding the brain with knowledge, especially when you recognize that you’re nourishing God-given gifts, will bolster confidence. I plan to be bookish this year and see if I’m struck with fewer pangs of insecurity in my “professional” life. To finish with a wonderful coach’s quote, “To do something that’s never been done you have to do something that’s never been done.” Propping your gifts up with perpetual training is a good place to begin.
