The Contradictions of Pregnancy

Oh! I can post this now….I wrote it back in March, when I was wallowing in self pity and really wanting more pity from external sources. Yay pregnancy! 

So…it’s been four weeks since I found out I was pregnant. And I still can’t tell anyone! Well, that’s a bit of a lie. We’ve told our immediate families, some extended family, and a few friends.

Matt and I are both youngest children…that alone instills a fear of raising a child. Don’t get me wrong, I cannot wait to have this gargantuan baby, but Matt and I have always been the doted on, everything-done-for, spoiled babies of the family. I know we’ll be able to take attention off of our selves at long last when we become parents, but neither of us have any sibling-rearing experience. Fortunately, we have some extraordinary parental examples in my older siblings (Oh, and our own parents…).

So, I’m apparently 9 weeks in (although I think I’m further along) and my lips have been sealed. I’ve gathered some baby literature and read the spread of online articles on first trimester changes, symptoms, etiquette, you name it. The most unsettling part (other than my stomach) is the fact that I cannot tell people why I’m acting like a complete burnout. I feel like my extreme fatigue hits me each afternoon around 3 p.m. and I need to leave to coach around 3:40. I’ve been attempting to squeeze power naps in, but I usually wake up feeling worse, then trudge onto the pool deck and find the nearest chair to slump into. Fortunately my co-coach/best pal knows my secret, so she doesn’t make me feel like a slacker.

I found out I was pregnant the week before I was to select 30 new Swimming World interns, which is a draining process. I read applicant writing samples, grade them, choose 30 from the pot of applicants, publish their samples stories online, attempt to get them trained on posting to our website asap (so I can just check out their draft already uploaded to the website). This same week my co-coach and the head coach were out of town, so I wrote workouts for every practice that week. My sister-in-law was in town for three days as well, which ended up being a nice break from reality, but still involved a thorough scrub of our dusty desert dwelling prior to her arrival. Since then, nothing has slowed down. We went to a baby shower, Matt’s big brother’s perfect wedding in Chicago, and back to work on Monday.

The biggest contradiction I’ve found in this first trimester is “don’t tell anyone.” Actually, I’ve not read that anywhere, but I tend to veer on the side of caution, and if something were to happen to the being forming within me, I would not want the entire swimming world to know of our loss. That may sound melancholy, but that’s why we’re waiting until the 12-week marker, or at least after our next ultrasound.

It was pretty dang cool seeing the blob inside me on the first ultrasound. The movement I first detected got me excited, then my doc reminded me that was actually my lunch moving through my intestine. Sorry, baby, to confuse you with food!

But when she found the embryo she told us to look for a flutter. It was lighting fast, but there it was…the first signs of a beating heart! Miraculous. I cannot get over how quickly the most complex parts of the human anatomy take shape.

I have an awesome app on my phone called “Sprout” which shows me what our baby looks like with outstanding graphics. Matt has to remind me, “Annie, that’s not actually ours, just an example,” but at this point in time, I think they all look pretty similar in there.This week, the teeth are beginning to form and eyelids are detectable. Apparently the limbs are moving a lot, but unfortunately it’s too early to feel the baby dance. I don’t necessarily want everyone to know about our growing baby in order to get congratulations (but that will be fun!). I just want my employers to not think I’m a burnout when I forget to do something or am a tad sluggish, irritable…miserable.

I did tell Swimming World’s publisher just yesterday because I was one of the two media credential holders for Rio. I will not be making the journey to Rio. Zika is far too great of a risk. Matt will have to keep the skeeter spray on constantly and be tested as soon as he returns. I guess Arizona is a “red zone” so I should really begin wearing repellant now, as it’s only heating up for mosquito season.

The top two thoughts I have in this stage of my first pregnancy are, “Why won’t someone do everything for me– I’m pregnant. Wah!” And, “Am I really pregnant? Or just bloated and having constant reflux? Maybe that really was my lunch fluttering in that first ultrasound….”

I was in utter disbelief when I took a positive test on the morning of Good Friday. Matt was at morning practice and I only had one pregnancy test. I thought ‘Surely this one is wrong’ and zipped over to Wal-Mart to grab a 3-pack of EDPs. I took two more. Then another one the following week. I couldn’t believe it! There was a part of me that thought swimming had messed up my cycle for life….like elite gymnasts who stunt their growth with nine hours of pounding exercise each day. I thought I was one of those, but I was giving my swammer fitness regimen a little too much credit if I thought I was working hard enough to throw my hormones out of whack.

Thus far, I’ve stopped craving chocolate altogether. Weird. I want bread more than anything and cannot eat any less than a sleeve of saltines at a time. So I have to keep the saltine box out of sight. I’ve discovered a real affection for navel oranges. I bought a rotisserie chicken at Safeway a couple weeks ago and ate most of it before Matt returned from practice. One, because it was delicious. Two, because I was craving protein like a wolf in winter (is that an expression? Now it is). Eggs, toast, Chobani, fruit, and chicken have been my healthy staples. And I’ve had a couple unrelenting pizza cravings, but I think I’m just using pregnancy as an excuse there…I mean who doesn’t always crave pizza?

I lost a few pounds initially, but am now at my average pre-preg weight. Lifting weights sucks. I find my heart rate spike from one light squat and dizzy spells strike after each set. I want to keep lifting, but I now understand why swimming is the pregnant woman’s euphoria. It feeling good on my ever-swollen legs, I detect the extra blood flowing through me (in a good, blood doping kind of way), and I’m still able to work pretty hard.

14-week update: I feel WAY better and don’t require daily naps. I still require weekly or bi-weekly pizza. Matt bought me a Snoogle for Mother’s Day and I advise every adult to get one, pregnant or not. This nesting pillow is heaven.