I grew up worshipping my mom. I loved her handwriting, her nurturing voice, her enthusiastic responses to tiny victories in my life. When I succeeded in the pool, no one was more excited than my mom. She used to come into my room in the mornings and wake me up by rubbing my back and say, “Are you sure you want to go to practice today?” Haha. She wasn’t meaning to test my self discipline, but she did. 1. Because rubbing my back at 6 a.m. wasn’t a real splash-in-the-face wakeup call. And 2. Because she was really A-OK with me sleeping in. One missed practice wasn’t the end of the world. Most days I fought the soothing back rub and tempting offer to remain nestled in covers and rolled out of bed and into a cold pool.
My sophomore year in high school I took computer science…I don’t know why. C++ has never been my calling, but I must have needed to fulfill some course requirement. On the first day of school, my teacher (Mrs. Stewart, she was bomb) asked the class if anyone thought they would pursue a career that didn’t require technology. Remember, this was circa 2004, the internet was still relatively new. My hand shot up. “OK, Annie, what is it you want to do?”
“I want to be a stay at home mom,” I said. The class gasped. It’s funny to think about in retrospect because I was quite naive to say I wouldn’t need technology. But I grew up watching my mom. She hand-wrote everything, sewed us the best halloween costumes and cooked using old recipe cards or books. She pulled out the World Books to help us with book reports. She really never used the computer, so why would I? Mrs. Stewart ended up saying, “Well, I’m sure you’ll look up recipes on the internet.” And she was right!
That was the first moment I felt shamed for my lifelong ambition to become a mama. It’s like our education system somehow makes the job seem below us. Though we each are all here because we had…a mom!
In my college years, I took a women’s studies class. On the first day of class, we listed off stereotypes of lesbians on the whiteboard. Someone looked at my hairy legs (swimmers don’t shave until the end of the season), walked up to the board and wrote “hairy legs”. I laughed internally. I’ve always liked men.
One of our class assignments was to read “The Feminine Mystique” by Betty Friedan. It was published in 1963 and is famous for launching the Women’s Liberation Movement. I’ll never forget reading a line about the fulfillment housewives and moms were supposed to feel from perpetually vacuuming their homes and building block towers with their infant. For the first time, I pitied the housewife and the stay-at-home mom. I thought women were damned to stifle their minds and careers; trapped in a home to keep tidy and simply raise children.
Wow, writing that out makes me realize how incredibly ignorant you can be before you actually have a child. Friedan had three children, but she didn’t seem at all fulfilled by motherhood. She needed more. She envied her husband’s endeavors beyond the walls of their suburban home.
Hey, I get that. But I also feel like I’m in a calling that I knew I had from an early age. I cannot speak for every woman, but I know yours truly can find ways of dealing with my domestic frustrations without committing myself to a padded cell. All careers have their valleys that leave you reeling, wondering if you’re where you’re intended to be.
Being a mother in our generation seems to be a lose-lose in the culture’s purview. As a working mom, you’re constantly concerned that you’re missing sweet moments with your little ones. You deal with a seriously heavy load of mom guilt. Many working moms need to work. They need it financially and/or psychologically. But there will inevitably be the times when someone makes you feel like your time would be better spent with your offspring who are only precious little for so precious little.
I cannot give a firsthand account of the working mom’s challenges, but the above is gathered from my amazing working mama friends. I know many working moms would roll their eyes at a stay-at-home mom’s complaints because, sheesh, we get to stay at home. But many people see it as a career-ending, “you gave up” move. I know it because I’ve felt it in people’s eyes.
So, Annie, what do you do?
I usually jump to, “Oh, I write for a swimming magazine…and I keep Skylar alive.” Like, my motherhood job will inevitably not suffice as a stand-alone answer. I know, I know, not everyone is meaning to pigeonhole me into saying a job title aside from “stay-at-home mom”, but why do I have the strongest urge to say a profession that’s so, so far secondary to my main occupation of mothering my daughter? That’s something screwed up inside me and inside our culture. We’ve become so career-possessed that we can feel like a second-rate human without a professional title.
Do I feel like my education is wasted because I’m staying at home rather than working in a corporate office? No. Here I am, raking in the dough with this viral blog because of my journalism degree (sarcasm, folks). But seriously, no. I loved school and would go back to get a masters in almost anything (just not comp sci) because I love that studious life and because Schoolhouse Rock taught me that “knowledge is power!”
I’m not sure if I can come to some astoundingly succinct conclusion here other than this. “Mom” is my job title and it’s a damn important one. There’s no ladder to climb to become the greatest mom in the world, but that might be the most beautiful thing about the profession.
Motherhood is a club that doesn’t discriminate. You might come across a mom who seems to brag and condescend but that’s probably because she’s insecure in her profession. Mamas, working or not, we’re in a powerful sisterhood that comes with an immediate empathy of sleepless nights, breastfeeding pressures, baby blues, screaming fits and disciplinary struggles. It’s important, character-crafting work that deserves to be shamelessly listed first.
*As always, preaching to myself and transcribing the sermon notes. 🙂
Comments
I love being able to balance both! All my kids full time in school makes it nice to have a part time Job that blesses me and hopefully the kids I work with ♥️.
I like being busy and always wanted to be a mom!! It took 7 years to get there so I had already started a career (interesting how that works out) otherwise I’m certain I would have just been home from the get go 🙂
You are doing an awesome job!
How did you find time to do this!!! Your a super hero 💙
Author
The ONLY reason I had time to write this (and most anything else) is YOU! You are a huge blessing to me and every other mama whose kiddo you teach and nurture for three sacred hours (Oh, and an absolute hero to those sweet littles you teach!). I feel so secure leaving Skylar in your classroom and don’t think I can put my gratitude into words. Big hugs to Ms. Stormi.
Hi Annie.
It’s actually 00:47 here, in France. I can’t sleep because of neighbors noise.
I was thinking about my mom. And how much I was miss her. She live in an other town.
As far as I can remember, I never spend a day without talk to her. Without her saying that she loves me. Without feel that every decisions a make, she’a here, right behind me.
She was a stay-at-home Mom. When I was younger, I was ashamed because of that. All my friends had very working mom, and they used to told me my mom was “you know “a mom”.
And then I grow up, and I’m now 21, and i just think that every moment I had the chance to spend with her, when every one was with nurse or something else, was the most precious gift she could make to me. I have a precious relation with her.
So, no, you’re not “just” a stay-at-home Mom. You’re more than that. You’re the woman who will teach your precious daughter that life is not a only one way to walk. Life is all little paths which people great and unique. And you definitely not have to be a hard working mom to show her this path.
And I dare every one who try to reduce you to “just” a Stay-at-home Mom, to spend a day with a toddler.
You deserve all the olympics medals to be the perfect mom for your lovely daughter. And if she’s as lovely it’t not thanks to God, it thanks to you and your sexy husband.
Hand up Annie and show them who’s the Boss.
Xx Sophie from France
Author
Sophie! Sorry to just be responding. Loved hearing about your mom and the special appreciation you have for her. I feel the same way and my heart hurts living two states away from my mom. But I’ve been far away from my mom for 12 years now, so we’re used to the drill of seeing one another when we can and soaking up those moments. And amen! Everyone should have to spend a day with a toddler to get a taste for child-rearing. There have been many moments in motherhood which have taught me that I am not capable of loving Skylar perfectly. My dependence on God and his plan for my life (and Skylar’s) is what keeps me confident and strong enough for my baby girl! I hope you get to squeeze your mama soon. There’s no hug like your mom’s. xo
Hi Annie, I see your writing and think to myself…. that was me! I do regret not journaling as I’m deeply convinced that motherhood knocked me into a second rite of passage . I became something that only could come through living it. It was hard, and awesome all at the same time. I too felt sorry for myself , lol. (Surely, I was the only o e doing it wrong!) It is the hardest job you will ever love. I resigned from my career after ten years to be a stay at home mom. I don’t regret anything and feel lucky to have pulled off living on one income in So. Calif. for that long. I often wrote down little things that would happen because I never want to forget the things that made me feel a love, pride and joy so overwhelming ! I’ve secretly written letters to Noelle – that I hope to one day give her. They were written on random occasions where I couldn’t tell her because she was so little! I could talk with you forever! Take care!
Author
Pearly! I loved reading this and am comforted by how much you relate to. You and Danny have always been wise, humble super heroes. I have no doubt you’re raising up phenomenal humans! I’m also impressed you were able to get by on one income in So. Cal! That’s one part of this gig I surely take for granted all the time. I know I’m living many-a working mom’s dream by being able to stay home. And oh what a sweet gift you’re going to give Noelle in those letters. I may need to steal that idea. Love you, Pearl! Big hugs.
Thank you for this💕
Hi Annie,
I love your writing. My daughter Hannah is a junior on the Arizona Swim Team. It’s Family Weekend and there is an inter squad swim meet Saturday, 9/29 @ 9am. If you are interested and available (and my idea is approved by Augie & team parents) would you want to give a talk on Saturday morning @ 8am? You have a way of communicating the things on your heart that I think will encourage those who hear you. You are free to speak on any topic that you think a parent/family member of a college swimmer would be interested in- including your faith. After 2 years of attending swim meets, I am wanting something to offer parents that will spur on meaningful relationships and conversations that lend themselves to going deeper with one another. Who know, this might even be the start of a new wildcat tradition, or maybe the rebirth of one that existed years back. So, if you agree, I feel it’s important for me to ask Augie and the team parents for their approval. My intent is to bring the parents together not divide into more separate cliques. Please think about it and pray about it and then let me know your thoughts. Thank you, Kevin