I’ve now been to three Olympic Trials meets as an athlete and two as a spectator. The first two, I only noticed the people who made the team– my heroes. The third I left heartbroken and – as life goes – I started noticing the heartbreaks in every finals heat. Two make the Olympics, six are left home (in all events other than the 100/200 free). But often the U.S. Olympic Trials finals are faster than the Olympic finals. “It’s so cruel,” I recall my dad saying after I missed qualifying in 2012. It’s an objective clock deciding– but I suppose time can be cruel. This extra year tacked onto preparing for the Olympic Trials due to Covid has allowed teen swimmers crucial months to develop and qualify for an Olympic team they could not have made in 2020. It wasn’t kind to the older athletes who were already beginning to feel creaky last year.
One commentator said, “You walk up the stairs from the ready room to the pool, hoping you’ll descend the stairs afterward as an Olympian.” But so many stumble down those stairs with wobbly, worn-out legs, wondering what they could have done to go .4 or .04 faster. Missing a dream by a fingernail. But mulling it over repeatedly will not change the result. It’s a pill that goes down slowly and painfully — a true grieving process. For some it’s the end of a career that began unknowingly in a neighborhood pool at age 6. It builds without the athlete even realizing it. The most elite reach a wrung of the ladder high enough to call swimming their profession. But swimmers treat it like a profession far before then. You give up traveling/studying abroad, vacations with friends, family weddings, risky activities (like skiing), study time and sleep ins– all for the sake of swimming.
So it’s understandable that when a swimmer takes third or fourth or fifth in an event they thought could earn them an Olympic spot, they’re emotionally destroyed. All that time. All those meters. All that sweat. All that…and it didn’t happen. But it was never guaranteed.
I cried on my couch when Madisyn Cox missed the team by .02. She looked stunned. Then fellow crazy-talented 200 IMer Melanie Margalis — who also missed making the team this summer — cradled Cox’s head and gave her some words to begin the process of stitching the pieces of her heart back together. I cried harder. That’s what this meet is about to me, as I get older and have the heartbreak radar on. So many special people. A competitor — also mourning her own missed Olympic dream — has the grace to take Cox by the hand/head and say “we’ll be OK”. And they will be OK. My husband can attest to that. All the other nearly-Olympians can too. Sometimes it takes months or years to see what you actually did in the sport, instead of that one thing you didn’t do. And I learned from doing swim clinics alongside my Olympian husband, that lots of people will just assume you were an Olympian anyway. And you just roll with it. 🙂
If you’ve tasted the Olympics before, but failed to make it again– that’s a hurt I don’t know. But I’ve seen the pressure my husband carried with him in 2016 — as a defending Olympic champion — and it didn’t look fun. Matt recently gave an interview and noted the importance of finding joy in the sport. After finishing sixth in his 100 back final last week, Matt stopped before exiting the arena to take it all in. And the crowd around the tunnel stood up and gave him the sweetest farewell ovation. I wasn’t crying about his sixth place finish because I knew he would be OK. But seeing that act of appreciation for Matty got the tears flowing. For him too.
Matt related Trials to a wedding. We get to see so many people we love in one place around a sport we love. And when you’re acquainted with someone through sport, you don’t just know them. You know them. You’ve been through stuff together– simultaneously gritting teeth as you battle beside a teammate during a practice that only the coaches will see. But that’s where stripes are earned and bonds are deepened through trying shared experiences. And those are what last. The buzz of making the Olympic team doesn’t last. Even the glory that comes from winning an Olympic medal will fade.
What I want the heartbroken to know is: as much as performances matter for sponsorships and headlines and mixed zone attention, that’s not why your people love you. And if you’re feeling empty and less-than, make a list of the exceptional people you’ve met through swimming in your head. Maybe the sport didn’t return your incredible efforts with a spot on the Olympic team but geez, the comforting hands of the friends you battled beside are what it’s all about. They’re there as you grieve your missed dream and as you realize through the years, they — those people — are the purist, most refined gold that could come from a sport.
Comments
This beautiful article is really what competition is all about. The “Love” of the sport carries us all through no matter what the outcome of our biggest competition’s may be. Blessings to you and Matt! I’m so glad you have the perspective to appreciate the highs and lows of sport and come out fine either way to carry on and have a meaningful and beautiful life!!
Annie Alyssa sent me this and I am crying. You write so beautifully and eloquent, I wish Swim Swam would post this 😘.
Great to see Annie Grevers back in print! Always enjoy your enlightening reflections, Annie. The heart of a woman of compassion is something special to get to see. And empathy for those experiencing shattered hopes such as these athletes must is a rare commodity, for not many have been there. Thanks for sharing, Mrs. Grevers!
THC
“The Emotional Trials of Olympic Trials
By Anniegrevers on Tuesday, June 22, 2021”
Thank you for sharing this well written, compassionate, empathic, gut wrenching, incredible emotional journey clearly from the heart, with all of us…….
It has been an honour and a privilege as a US citizen who’s lived abroad in the UK, Germany, New Zealand, Australia, India for years to proudly watch and witness some the greatest swimmers of all time in 2008, 2012, 2016……including Matt, Michael, Ryan and so many outstanding men and women on the US Olympic Swim Team not only during those Olympic years but also before and what we will all witness beyond in the years to come……..Thank you!
Wishing you, Matt, your children all the best always in this incredible journey of life! ……From my family, my wife, daughters, myself to yours….
Sincerely,
David
What an awesome article and so true. We are proud of all the athletes at trials whether they made the Olympic team or not.
As an alternate to the 1980 Olympic Team and now a parent of an Olympic Trials competitor, I can fully agree with Annie. The perspective that comes from years away from the sport, then entering back into the swimming world through my daughter is unique.
There is a unique anguish from having been on many US National Teams but not quite making an Olympic Team. You are “always a bridesmaid but never a bride” despite having swum only .13 seconds slower than those who made the team.
Yet the wisdom and perspective of age slowly creeps in as the years creep onwards. I have learned that the trappings of this world – fame, fortune, recognition – dim in comparison to other riches – family, deep and lasting friendships, faith – and therein lies one of the secrets of true peace. One must choose which value system you will allow to give you worth. Will you choose fame and recognition which dim with time or will you choose more lasting measures? It is a hard choice and many, including myself, will wrestle with it for years. But in the end, this is the path of peace.
Thank you for this, Annie. So beautiful. I hope USA Swimming sends this post out to all swimmers, those who qualified and who did not. How these great athletes overcome the despair from losing sponsorships, accolades and public attention and still wholeheartedly support their teammates is what makes them real humans. It is the last and the hardest set before transitioning to the next age group. Most of them do it swimmingly. The sport is a great teacher. These trials, like never before, displayed human stories behind minutes and seconds.
All the best to Matt in whatever he decides to pursue. He is adored by the swimming community and beyond.
Awesome perspective.
This was so good, abs so true. I cried as well for Madison Cox, and for Melanie Margalis and for Kelsi Dahlia and the many others that probably would have made it in 2020. I almost felt like trials was more painful than usual this year, because of hanging in for that one more extra year. These athletes are all amazing and I hope their hearts and souls heal quickly
Spot on! Wonderful writing and so expressive. I even SMELLED chlorine!! Thanks for sharing your creativity.
Blessings to you and your family.
As a former national team member and 3rd place survivor — this is spot on — thanks you for recognizing the athletes that performed at this elite level — placed third — when third is last — the heartache is as great as athletic achievement — thanks Annie
Absolutely so well written! I feel every anguish and pain as you describe the loss. But… the truth of the matter is real friendship and love. I am proud of Matt, but he was able to make it to the Olympics!! So many didn’t , but deserved to go. I can’t know that kind of hard work.Love this, Annie!♥️❤️🙏🌹🌸
Author
Thanks, Aunt Tammy! I know you DO know hard work because I’ve watched it in action. Love you. xo